Friend asked me on how to help her trans kid. I couldn't find a good guide for this, especially with states like Iowa stripping us of our rights.
I want to be clear that this should not be done without the child's input. Always, always trust the kid to understand and always give them the chance to participate. There are ways to adjust the language for the age of the child, and children often have creative ideas when given the chance to participate. The goal here is to give the child the tools to help them thrive, okay? Thanks for understanding.
So without further ado, here's steps on how to help trans kids navigate all of this.
1. Identify safe groups where the child can be themself. Remember, the child likely will have ideas on who to ask. So be sure to ask the child who they trust for this conversation.
*NOTE: Talk with those on the "trusted" list and/or leaders of the trusted groups and verify they will defend the kid's right to be themself and support them. (Child doesn't necessarily have to be present for this, but let the child know how it went to ease anxiety.)
2. Identify which friends are safe and will honor their pronouns. Again, the child will have ideas on this too. Make a list together!
3. Sit down with the kid and explain this process.
* (For my friend, I shared with them how I also wrote up a safety plan and harm reduction plan on how to navigate an increasingly hostile society such as my state stripping me of my civil rights. Having examples of others who have done this can help solidify the need and make it more approachable and less scary).
4. Share the list of groups and people who support the kid and will have their back 100%. (Be ready to hold those people accountable as a behind-the-scenes thing). Ask the kid if there are others they think you should work with to get them on board. Add them to the "talk to" part of the list."
5. Build a harm reduction and safety plan with the kid. This includes:
* Talk about how to handle strangers in public spaces in a way that avoids too much misgendering but also keeps the kid safe. (Maybe use only their name and avoid pronouns entirely for instance).
* Talk about how to handle medical professionals who are not known for being trans-friendly; how in those instances the kid will be wearing a "costume" as a safety strategy where they pretend to be x gender.
*Talk about parks and other public spaces.
*Talk about how to handle when meeting new people. How to test the water to see if it is safe to take off the 'x gender costume' or not.
6.Make sure the kid signs off on the harm reduction and safety plan, and that they feel included in it. Try to make it fun by drawing out scenarios, and explaining how sometimes we have to act like we're in a play for that scenario. We put on our "costume of x gender" and act out a play. Then when we are out of that scenario, we can take off our "costume of x gender" and enjoy being ourselves again around our safe groups and people.
(I'll write this up as a blogpost eventually. But for now, wanted to put it out there for folks to think about since transphobia and anti-trans legislation and policies are ramping up again. Please share any tips or resources you know of that can help!)
